I recently participated in a discovery call that was pretty awkward.
And the awkwardness of the meeting stemmed from a general sense of something like competition between the participants.
Like, who knew more about the industry we were discussing.
And I just want to reflect on it.
~~~
To do so, I want to center on the word comportment.
I use that word to refer to posture or demeanor, the way a thing is approached.
It’s a good word to refer to someone’s general attitude in the face of something.
Like a comportment of positivity in the face of a challenge. Or a comportment of resolve in spite of adversity.
The comportment I experienced during this particular exchange was one of anxiety.
There was an anxiety to be right, so there was a need to interrupt, correct, push an agenda, compete for accuracy.
Almost like a chest thumping.
I’m sure I somehow exacerbated this dynamic, but I’ve also participated in plenty of meetings that did not feel this way. So I’m left wondering, What was the difference?
And the notion I keep landing on is openness.
Comportment not as anxiety but as openness.
Openness as trust.
Trust in the conversation.
Trust in the movement of a conversation.
And trust in the positive outcomes that may occur when that comportment of openness is fully engaged.
~~~
There was this amazing trend among twentieth century philosophers to explore the “play” of dialogue.
When you enter into a dialogue, if you truly intend to benefit from that dialogue, these philosophers would argue, you must activate a comportment of openness to the play of the dialogue.
You have to believe in the goodness of the potential of the dialogue to lead to something good.
A horizon.
And the path to that horizon is paved with the openness of each participant to the dialogue itself, a giving over.
Always fully oneself, always honest, always with agency and justice – always aware of power dynamics.
But also open.
Open to the possibility that the dialogue will take one in a direction they were not originally intending.
And that takes the pressure off of you as the performer.
It frees you to believe that the dialogue itself may achieve a better outcome than the one you originally intended.
Because then, you don’t have to do.
You just have to be.
~~~
So the next time I’m engaging in a discovery call, I’m going to take a minute ahead of time to breathe.
To know what I hope to accomplish but likewise to know there is a good that may not be what I hope.
And that good may indeed be the best thing that could happen.
